Did you ever consider yourself loose?
Wild? Yes. Careless? Yes. Emotional? Yes. Loose? Never. I was never loose. I was a thread hanging, waiting to be pulled by any man with restless hands.
And the sex?
The sex was a way to show love; to show that I existed; to show attention; to ask for attention; to say thank you; to say “please stay.” The sex was never about me – always about them and their overwhelming needs.
Did you fall in love?
Too many times to count. I fell in love with how they slept; how they woke up wanting to be inside me; how they gathered their things like thieves and left in a hurry; how they never slowed down to say good bye; how they showed up at the same time every night; how they spoke about their girlfriends without looking at me. I loved them.
Did you ever hate?
Yes. I hated the one who promised me diamonds and left me with a house full of rocks.
I don’t hate him. I still listen to the songs we played when we were together.
Are you happy?
No. I am filled with joy. Happiness is temporary. Joy stays through every challenge. Joy is a wonderful plague.